Existential Musings (part 2), aka: Go Adopt A Kid!

I recently posted a lengthy tome about how all kids start out needing exactly the same things: love, human touch, comfort, security.  I am very lucky to have friends who are parents by having children biologically, having children only through adoption (some as a first choice and some following infertility), and parents who have some biological and some adopted children.  This brings many perspectives to conversation about children and who they are and how they came to be that way.

Anecdotally, I would say that kids are who they are and they are going to be who they are going to be if given a proper place to do so.  In other words, some kids are easy going, some are introspective, some are high strung, some are hilarious.  Others are easily stressed, good at music, athletic, introverts, extroverts, or whatever they are.  Your genes have nothing to do with that.  There is a (finite) rainbow of human personality traits.  If your child is biological, you might say "he gets that daredevil streak from his Uncle Tom."  But, I know this from experience, if your child was adopted, you might still say "he gets that daredevil streak from his Uncle Tom."  Did he really?  No.  But we attribute common characteristics to where we see them.  But your little daredevil just came that way.  

Another important thing I hear all the time from my friends who have both biological children and also children who were adopted is that there is no difference in their feelings for their children.  That, if they are being completely honest, sometimes it is even easier to love the children who came into their families through adoption.  That the feeling of having a child placed in your arms, whether the child is 1 minute old and you are in a sanitary hospital or the child is 18 months old and you are in a grungy government building in a faraway country, it is the same feeling: the child is yours and you are hers.  Go back to part 1 of this mini-series:  all kids are born with a need to be loved, taken care of, and held.  Your bio kid was no different in this need than my adopted kid.

One of the most fun things to talk about in adoption is the day that the child is physically placed with their new family.  Some people call this "Gotcha' Day" but that phrase seems to be losing vogue within the adoption community.  If you want some real fun, go on YouTube and search for "Gotcha Day" videos.  That is some reality TV!  It is a beautiful thing to watch a young child be placed into his parents arms for the first time.

Don't believe me?  Check out this amazing, beautiful, spiritually humble, big-hearted, first-time mom-friend of mine right after she was handed her brand new son, almost 2 years old, who curled up and took a nap on her shoulder.

There are no words to describe the joy, fear,
excitement, and wonder of this moment.
This is Gotcha Day.
Adoption is a beautiful thing.

I want to close by saying that I would not expect any fertile couple to make the choice Larry and I made before we even got married to adopt our future children.  We are unorthodox, I know.  We may have had different intentions back then ("save the world!") but the outcome was the same: two beautiful, amazing children whom we could not have created better ourselves.  
But if there are any readers out there who are struggling with infertility, please PLEASE consider adopting a child who needs a home instead of spending time and money on creating a kid with your DNA.  Your genes are not that special:  all kids start out needing the same thing (see part 1) and then, given a loving family to support them, they become who they are meant to become.  There are literally millions of kids in need of a home in this world and dozens of paths you can take to bring them home.  Every child deserves a family.  

Okay, I am going to climb off this soap box now.  The air is pretty thin up here.  :)