"I feel the conflict within you" - Luke (Return of the Jedi)

Today we got our TA.  (For my non-adoption readers, that is our Travel Approval to finally buy plane tickets and go to China and get our son.  It is a very. Big. Deal.)

I have been anticipating this so intensely that I think the refresh button on my email no longer works.

I look at the picture of this little guy and have hopes and dreams for him.

I imagine who he is.  I think of the amazing responsibility I have to raise him to be a wonderful man.  My breath catches at the enormity of this responsibility.









And then I walk down the hall and see my first born. 

My spunky, creative, caring, intelligent wonderful daughter.

And I think about our TA and I want to cry.

Because I only have 2 weeks left with her.  Just her. 

Only 2 weeks until we make room in our lives for her brother.  

She is so innocent. And trusting. She trusts we are doing the right thing for our family.




And I have to believe that she is right.

Then I have to soak up every last bit of her, because I think the big sister we bring back from China is not going to be exactly the same kid.