Letter to Joseph, Son and Brother

Dear Joseph,
Pretty soon, we'll be marking off 5 months that you will have been in our family.  You spent 504 days in an orphanage, and eventually, on September 22nd of next year, you will have finally been in a family longer than you were in an orphanage.  Little by little, day by day, we get to even that score while day by day you amaze us with your resilience.  

Joseph, for 504 days you may not have known that you were supposed to be well fed and held and played with and cuddled and tickled and entertained and loved, but you have caught on to these ideas quickly!  You have completely bought into this whole family thing and you completely and rightfully expect that your Baba and I, along with your sister, are here to meet your wants and needs.  You want to be held?  You got it.  You want a drink?  You know who to ask.  You want someone to push you for 45 minutes in the swing?  Sure.  You are ready at 4 o'clock in the morning to get up and start playing for the day?  Well, your Baba handles that solo, but he does so every day for you!  You make us exhausted, but you so completely trust us that we always try to meet your expectations.  We don't want to let you down. You didn't ask to be adopted and flown half way around the world, but you seem to like it anyhow.  

You like Juice Boxes so much
I love to call you Buster.  That is
a reference to a TV show that is
really before your time.

Jos, you are such a happy little boy.  You are also stubborn and energetic and you have really big ideas.  In fact, your ideas are so enormous, that you can hardly contain them within your little body.  They come out in screams and bursts of squeals, giggles and sometimes tantrums.  They manifest physically as you run, fall, climb, and twirl from place to place.  You had 2 giant bruises on your face this week, the results of some of your big ideas.  Nothing is too big to climb.  No speed is too fast, and if you crash, so be it because your family will pick you up and hug you and kiss your tears until, 20 seconds later, you wiggle and squirm to get away and back to adventure.  

Through observation, you also have figured out how everything works here.  You know where your shoes are kept, when to put them on, and even have a good idea of how to accomplish that.  You know where the leash is and have an idea of how to walk the dog.  You understand what trash is and where we keep the garbage can and you even squeeze your little hand behind the childproofed cabinet door to throw away your unwanted wrappers or old juice boxes.  You know where food is kept and you figured out how to navigate and climb the fridge to get to the juice boxes.  You know where to put your dirty clothes after a bath and where your dirty diapers go after being changed.  You seem to take comfort in the daily routines of our life, however boring they may be, they are ours for now.  

Part hug-fest, part wrestle-mania, you and
your sister are best friends.  It is our hope for
you both that you will stay close as you grow up.

Happiness is
a Stinky Blankie.
.....

This letter would be incomplete without mentioning how very much your sister loves you.  She refers to you as "my baby" like when, the other day, you made off with a block from her classroom and she returned it to her teacher saying "Sorry, but my baby took this" and when she is 8 or 9 she plans to marry you. She is proud of you, proud to be a big sister, and wants the world for you.  She wants to make sure you get your fair share.  She wants you to be happy, comfortable, healthy. Until you start talking, she will be your voice (and maybe after that too!).   She says "Joseph wants crackers" or "Joseph and I want to ride our bikes."  Last Saturday you were sick with fever and vomiting.  After playing at a park (babies do not slow down when they are sick), you fell asleep in the car and Baba carried you into the house and laid you down on the floor.  Abigail, in a very touching display said "My little brother Joseph would feel better if he had Blankie" and she put her Blankie on top of you.  This is the very Blankie she swore she would never share with you.  The Blankie that would be the first non-living thing we would save from our house if it were on fire.  The Blankie you try unsuccessfully to steal from her in the mornings when you watch Curious George together.  Pure love.  

Joseph, you are a sweet, loving little boy.  I can easily imagine you growing into a kind and silly man like your Baba.  Stay sweet and loving, Jos.  

Love,
Mama

PS:  If you want to sleep through the night until 5 or 6, no one will mind!

Sunday Snapshot(s) Kiddie Hiking

He ran or walked for most of 2 hours!

It was the most beautiful fall day today!

Cuties

Full Disclosure: Why I am a Terrible Mother

I love my kids.
Seriously, I mama-bear-love them and would seriously maim anyone who would be so stupid as to hurt them. Or tell them that Santa is not real.  (I seriously pity the child who breaks that news to Abigail.  He'll be in a body cast.)

But I am a Terrible Mother.  I am just being honest.  Larry always kisses me and hugs me and says "I love being a parent with you on my team" but I really do suck.  Here's why:

1. I am an introvert.  Having 2 tiny people want to be around me 24/7 doesn't work well with my personality.  (Yes, I claim all 24 hours since one of them always wants to sleep with me and will even sneak into bed next to me after I have fallen asleep.)  Related issue: I do not enjoy being a jungle gym and I sometimes wish that my 1 year old and 4 year old understood "personal space."
2. While Lar and I are both on summer break, we are putting the kids into daycare for 2 days per week.  We say it is to help them stay on a schedule.  To keep Joseph socialized.  So Abigail can see her friends.  But really, I would be willing to go into debt putting them in for 5 days per week just to have all that glorious time to myself.
3. Speaking of daycare, I am a MUCH better mother on days when the kids are in daycare.  It seems like I have a finite amount of patience and awesomeness and love (gulp!!) to share and on the days that they are in daycare for 8 hours and come home, all of that Wonderful Mom-ness is condensed into about 6 hours.  On days that they are home All. Day. Long.  all of my Wonderful Mom-ness has to be stretched thin to last All. Day. Long.
   I can't make more of it and the kids want to use it up by 7:43 AM.
4. Often, I find myself more interested in taking great pictures, editing pictures, sharing videos, blogging, and scrapbooking about how great my kids are and what fun things we have done and how much I love them instead of actually spending more mind-numbing time with them as they dump all of the blocks, cars, trains, train tracks, and play food onto the floor for the 12 millionth time this week.
5. I would rather run alone.  Yes, we have a double jogging stroller.  Yes, Larry likes to run too.
   But I would rather it be a solo venture.  (See #1)
6. And speaking of exercise, if I run alone, then that means Larry has had the kids for ~40 minutes.  So I feel guilty taking a shower and making him watch the kids even longer.  As a result, I am forced to decide what to do with my precious free time and loathe being forced to decide between such luxuries as exercise, showering, shaving, using the computer, and eating something I don't want to share with anyone.
7. That brings me to drink-sharing.  If I have a drink, my kids think that by extension it is their drink too.  But I have decided I am done with that; a full-scale drink-sharing embargo is now in effect.  I used to share, but no more.  I have had my fill of back-wash and mysterious floaties, not to mention the HFMD incident and how much Joseph is a festering toxic germ factory. I will gladly get them their own drink, but that never appeals to them as much as mine does.
8. I don't hear Joseph when he cries at night.  Larry will say to me in the morning, "Joseph cried 6 times last night" and I will not be aware of a single one of them as I slept right through the whole thing.  Six times.
9. All the inspirational, bloggy, preachy mommy people make memes and write about enjoying every minute with the kids while they are little and claim that things like laundry and dusting can wait.  I don't entirely agree with this.  I am just not going to live in a dirty house and my kids are going to wear clean clothes.
   When Abigail wants to be held and cover me with kisses or wants to be tucked in for the 3rd sweet time at night because she just wants another few moments with me, I sigh sadly thinking that before I know it, she will want nothing to do with me, especially not cuddly moments and kisses.  When Joseph gives a full-out belly laugh in a way that only babies can, I think "I want to bottle that sound and keep it forever."
   I do enjoy these moments, but that isn't the stuff of which days are made.
   In the every-day moments of daily living, I would usually rather be the parent scrubbing the bathroom or doing the laundry than the parent pushing 2 kids on the backyard swing while it is 90 degrees outside or squeezing back tears of boredom and listlessness while sitting on the floor next to the play kitchen set, waiting for the kids to make me a 42nd "dinner" in under as many minutes while I can only think about all of the real work I could be getting done, instead of sitting there.
   But the inspirational, bloggy, preachy mommy people don't acknowledge that real parenting is boring.  They would make you feel guilty for thinking "this is SO boring" while you are spotting your 1 year old climbing up the toddler slide for the umpteenth time today.
   But in reality, these are some of the things I did this summer because I found them more fulfilling and less mind-numbing than babysitting my own kids:  dusting, toilet scrubbing, laundry, mopping, waxing the car, closet cleaning, weeding, cleaning all the fan blades, and washing our 19 windows (inside and out). 

Given the crazy nature of my life, this entry was made in pieces all summer, just to find time for it.
Anyone can feel free to read this entry and commiserate or silently judge me.  However, any unsolicited attempts at advice-giving will not be well received or tolerated and I may seriously hurt you.

{Please don't take my kids from me.}

Tales from PA (part 3- going to a petting zoo)

My mom doesn't work Mondays and my dad took the day off so that we could all take the kids to a zoo.  I love zoos.  I have been to many zoos in my life and I love taking the kids to different zoos.  My favorite moment of this trip was when the male lion was feeling discontent about everyone watching him and he charged the viewing glass while letting out a thunderous roar, getting nose-to-nose behind the glass with Joseph.  Joseph held his ground though: he just roared his little roar right back!  I wish I had it on video!

Joseph getting up close and personal with a camel
when he really wanted to meet the zebra

Joseph was a little unsure about petting a joey!!

Joseph was also unsure about
this giant wooden tortoise statue.  

As usual, Abigail's favorite animal
was the giraffes.

Abigail even got to bottle feed
a baby giraffe!!

Joseph's favorite animals were
any of the primates.  He couldn't get enough
of them.  

Joseph REALLY liked the primates.
See- he is communicating with this one.

Abigail enjoyed petting the kangaroo
but the wallabys were softer.  

When not looking at primates,
Joseph passed the time by
looking at the person who was carrying him!

Hi!  

Tales from PA (part 2- hanging out on "the farm")

Part of the beauty of going to "the farm" is that is it a sort of mini-vacation for Larry and me.  My parents hands-on amuse the kids most of the time and there is SO MUCH SPACE.  So much beautiful, soft, green space.  The kids act differently there.  The never stop smiling.  They never stop moving.  They rarely demand to be picked up or held or get fussy.  They just run at 100% for about 15 hours per day before we toss their grubby bodies into a bath and tuck them into soft old beds covered in piles of well-worn blankets.  Even the dog acts differently there: we just let her do as she pleases and instead of sleeping all day, she runs and explores and sniffs.  The farm is truly a magical place.  (I don't know what I will do if my parents ever sell it and follow through on their abstract plans to move closer to us.  I can't even think about it.  I'll bawl for weeks.)

Anyhow, I know you are here for the pics, so enjoy them

"Helping" Yinski on the tractor, before they
started battling for control over the steering wheel!

"You look pensive."
"Damn.  I was going for thoughtful."

It is so amazing that 4 months ago
he was a Ramen noodle in a crib in one of
Henan's not-that-great orphanages!!

Abigail loves apple season as much as the horses.
(Can you spot the apple?)

...

Abigail ran over 50 acres for 4 days.  

Joseph got his first rides on the "Gatorade"
as Abigail called it.  He got 60 second turns
in-between Abigail's 5 minute turns, but he
didn't seem to notice or mind!

This boy is so resilient.  

How does my Chinese boy
have blonde hair?!?!

Tales from PA (in this case, Fish Tails)

Last week, we took a final summer trip to my parents' old farm in western Pennsylvania.  We have inadvertently started a tradition of going there during the coldest week in August for the past 5 years, which has really been wonderful: we get an early teaser-taste of fall, get to wear jeans and long sleeves in the evenings and sit around a campfire, and can be outside all day without sweating.  

My beautiful little fisherman.
She dug her own worms and
wasn't afraid of anything!

One of the things we did while in PA was to go fishing with the kids.  We went to a small pond owned by a friend of my dad.  It was one of those ponds full of naïve little fish that could be caught in a matter of seconds before being thrown back (and probably caught again!).  Abigail even caught several fish on a bare hook, but we lost track of how many she caught for the afternoon. 

This pic and the one below it crack me up
because they made me realize that every time
Abigail cast her line, my dad covered his eyes!

1.  Baba showing Joseph how to hold the rod
2.  Joseph excited: Look!  I caught something!
3.  Ugh-ahhh!!!!  Joseph's hilarious first reaction at his fish.
4.  Okay, maaaaaybe I'll touch it.....

My mom, who understands that the parent who always holds
the camera never gets to be IN any pics since she herself is
a rarity in any of our childhood pictures, snapped a few pics with my camera.

My mom's candid shot shows what a beautiful and
relaxed afternoon we had with the kids.

Volcano Project

Since Abigail is home 5 days per week and (like her Mama) likes to have lots of Stuff To Do, I started the summer prepared with several long-term projects for her, as well as many quick afternoon surprises or gifts.  One of the biggest projects was to build a volcano and make it erupt.  Since the eruption is just a chemical reaction of sodium bicarbonate and acetic acid with some food coloring thrown in and has nothing to do with why lava actually spews forth from a volcano, I almost decided against a volcano project.  But, then I reminded myself that she *is* only four.  And, she also understood when I explained the differences in the eruption she simulated and the way it really happens.  She also enjoyed seeing pics of her Baba and me on our honeymoon at Mt. Rainier, knowing that is a volcano too.  

Abigail stringing a frame for her
volcano around a center tube for the
chemical reaction

Abigail adding the plaster strips over her frame.

Time to paint the dried volcano.
Joseph wanted to help by painting something too.

(Joesph was very UNhelpful, however, even
though he was very cute.)

The final project.

Eleven years ago at Mt. Rainier.